Around this time last year, I was dealing with the end of a relationship. We tried to work things out and take a break, but the break only made things worse. I felt shut out and closed off, so when attempting to talk and gain some sort of normalcy back to the relationship, I could not do it because I was scared and trying to protect myself.
Alas, it seems I am back in this position. Only this time, I am not in a clearly defined relationship with this person. She said she needs space to think and wants to take things slow, but we were not slow from the beginning. We jumped into things and emotions got involved early on. Now, being told to take things slow, I don’t know how to go about it. She wants to get to know me, but we barely speak. I find it hard to talk when I get the rare chance to do so, because I, once again, and feeling shut out. I do not want to be closed off and reserved, but it is the only thing I can do. I’m frustrated that she wants to slow things down when everything was going wonderfully.
I understand she has commitment issues because of past relationships, but if that was the case, it should have been clearly stated from the beginning. She has been single for 4 years and has done what ever she has wanted to do during that time, without worrying about someone else’s feelings.
I am trying to be understanding and patient, but when I feel like she is blatantly avoiding talking to me, and then gets mad when I try to talk about how all of this is making me feel, I shut down. I’m starting to put up an emotional wall and regrettably so, I feel like if something does not change soon, this is going to come to an end.
I understand in any relationship there has to be some level of independence, but also, in a relationship, there is dependence on the other person. Otherwise, what is the point? You’re in a relationship because you want to share your life with someone, and how can you when you’re being shut out?
I don’t know what to do. Should I just cut my losses, go back to the drawing board and try again, or try to stick this out? I’m scared to do the latter because the last time I did, it blew up in my face and hurt me far more than it should have.